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Even as a kid I seemed to like to stick various objects up my bum. The fucking building really was on fire! If he was successful in his holy task, I would have let him fuck me every night for a month, regardless. Off went the jeans, on onto the bed I flopped.
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Then, I heard the most marvelous words in the universe. The cutest, buffest paramedic I had ever seen came over to me and asked me if I was in distress. He practically had to carry me over to his emergency vehicle while I wept like Lucille Ball at a funeral.